getting married and keeping finances separate

Getting married and keeping finances separate how to#

It’s important to work out serious issues before combining your finances to avoid stress and resentment. Depending on your partner’s history and attitude about their situation, you may still decide to get married and keep your finances separate. What do you do if you discover someone has a lot more debt than you expected or a bad credit record?Ĭombining finances when there are two vastly different credit ratings is not a good idea. One surprise that can come out of this discussion is discovering a partner’s bad credit history. Both need to articulate their own needs and expectations. Unspoken assumptions get you into trouble. Have the kind of detailed discussion that allows you both to go forward with eyes wide open. Here, it is important to share all the key documents – wage statements and tax returns, bank and investment statements, loan and credit card documents, and most importantly credit reports (some studies show that having good credit scores are an important indicator of marital success). Lift the Curtain on Your Finances…and Lay it All Outīefore marriage and certainly before agreeing to combine your finances, it is critical to lay everything on the table and have an open, judgment-free discussion. Be patient, transition a step at a time, then check in before deciding to take another step. Ultimately, if you aren’t sure, it is important to go slow. Here again, having an understanding view of each other’s history and expectations can be a big help in understanding motivations and behavior. This can create a variety of dynamics from power struggles to feeling taken advantage of. Also consider the situation where one has more and one has less. Establishing trust over time requires spouses to give and take. If your future spouse tends to be a ‘taker’ and you are a ‘giver’, there can be conflict. The challenge gets more difficult when money personalities conflict. These qualitative discussions can help both spouses better understand the experiences that have shaped the other’s views of money. It is important to identify where couples have common values as well as areas where they may differ. I encourage couples to complete a values exercise that includes separate questionnaires to gain an understanding of each other’s background, expectations, and assumptions. How will you handle it? Will you or your spouse be willing to sacrifice in the short term for the other’s priority? How will you prioritize your mutual and separate goals? Occasionally, goals will conflict.

When you chose to unite your life, that union should support and honor both of your lives. Be sure to spend more time on defining your financial goals than you do planning your honeymoon! It is important to understand what your future spouse considers important and what each of you define as success. On a broader level, money often supports bigger goals. Is he a spender and you are a saver? Does she carry more debt than you are used to? The most common areas of difference are on spending and borrowing. Understanding your own and your partner’s money personality is a first step. Gain an Understanding of your Partner’s Financial History and Views About Money

To that end, here are a few suggestions for couples considering combining their financial life.

Merging two financial lives is challenging and requires a thoughtful and transparent approach.Īs money can be a significant source of stress in a relationship, starting off your mutual financial life right will contribute to the long-run health of a marriage. The fact is, with more years come more biases, more baggage, more habits – good and bad – that have become engrained. Those who are financially established come into a marriage with a longer and potentially more complex financial history, and combining finances can get complicated.

Getting married and keeping finances separate how to#

Adults considering marriage later in life – whether in a first marriage or a remarriage – often find that agreeing on how to handle finances can be the first hurdle to achieving marital bliss.